Maya's Story - My daughter and grooming on the street
It can happen anywhere.
We were devastated when we realised that our daughter had become a victim of sexual abuse when she was only metres away from the house, and we live in a really nice area.
She was being groomed to be exploited – and we just didn’t see it. She’s always been a bit of a loner, not many friends, and then the death of her older brother hit her really hard – as it did us all. He was her guiding light, really. I do think we took our eyes off her in our grief, but who was going to know?
She was 14 when she started handing outside the local shops, which we didn’t really like but at least it looked like she was making friends. It was nothing more than chatting and fooling around with her mates, letting off a bit of steam after school. But then she started staying out later and later, and coming home smelling of alcohol.
She also changed in her attitude towards us. She used to respect our rules and boundaries in return for a bit of independence, but after a while she made it clear she thought she deserved more freedom – and she’d make sure she got it whether we agreed or not.
We got a call from her teacher at school, who was concerned about her poor attendance and general apathy while there. We’d had no idea her attitude towards her studies had changed and we certainly didn’t realise she’d been bunking off. She refused to talk to us about it, claiming we were interfering, and her behaviour got worse and worse. It was a very stressful time – we didn’t know what to do.
One day we had a very tearful visit from a girl that she’d come to get to know. It seems that she had been encouraging Maya to come out, but that the males in the group had forced her to do it.
Apparently they were hanging out with a group of older lads who were making a huge fuss of her.
She was taking drugs and drinking, apparently because she felt that she fitted in for the first time ever when she did it. According to her, Maya would do anything to get high, and had been persuaded to have sex with several of the lads just so they would keep giving her drugs and drink.
Maya has always been a bit of an outsider – looking back she was so vulnerable. She was being abused almost every night, but wanted to belong so much that she didn’t know how to say no. She felt that she had no choice.
She just didn’t realise that she was in a very controlling relationship, and that sex like that was not how it is meant to be.
A few years on and our daughter is still not in a good place.
Our message to other parents would be to look out for signs of an unhealthy relationship and signs of more serious sexual abuse, Make sure you know who your kids are hanging out with, and if something doesn’t feel right, do something about it before it’s too late.
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